


andreil: i don´t deserve you.

by dreamyyeyes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Andrew Minyard Loves Neil Josten, Hurt Neil Josten, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, Soft Neil Josten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyyeyes/pseuds/dreamyyeyes
Summary: "His own voice looked broken for him, but that was how he felt inside. Seeing Neil standing there in the moonlight, his features slightly illuminated, his red hair falling above his brilliant eyes, those eyes that Andrew could bet that were capable of light up the darkness, he had sure that Neil could only be a hallucination. Nothing was supposed to be so good as Neil was."
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Kudos: 97





	andreil: i don´t deserve you.

**Author's Note:**

> hii, it´s me again! im back with another andreil oneshot, and i hope that you like it:)  
> and a quick reminder: english is not my first language, so i apolagize for the mistakes!
> 
> well, that´s it hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> kisses -dreamyyeyes

Andrew was on the roof, as usual, sitting on the edge and looking down, hoping that any feeling, even fear, would come over him, but as he stared at the ground, a feeling totally different invaded him. 

He remembered of Neil, months ago, catching the cigarette that he had dropped it down there and taking it to his mouth. He remembered how at that moment he tried to deny what he was feeling for the boy with red hair and eyes that amazed the gods, if they existed. And then an even more painful memory hits him: He breaking up with Neil, half an hour ago.

He still felt the pain in his chest and the burning on his lips, as if he had drunk poison. He adored Neil in the clearest and purest way anyone could imagine.

Once he had told to Neil that they weren’t the answer for each other, but only now Andrew could see how much he was wrong. Neil would always be his answer, doesn’t matter what he was looking for: all the ways would take to Neil’s gentle hands and his ability to trust even after everything he suffered. And for this reason, Andrew couldn’t stay with him. 

He didn’t deserve him. He didn't deserve the way Neil looked at him, as if he had just received a gift from God himself, or the way he takes care of Andrew, as if he was the most valuable thing that ever existed. 

He had seen that look before, when Neil played Exy, but it was different.

During sport, Neil's gaze was stubborn, objective, like he was capable of take down anything that was between him and the victory. But with Andrew, it was a look of passion, adoration, as if he were a traveler, looking for a place to stay for years, and finally find it, a place that was like home.  
Andrew didn’t deserve nothing of it.

A loud noise awakens him from his thoughts, and the blonde raises his head a little, asking himself who would come behind him, after he made it clear that he would stab anyone who dared to follow him. And there it was, the only person able to defy any order from Andrew. 

Neil's eyes, normally calm and focused, looked like a storm, too intense, and Andrew obligated himself to look away before he dived into those eyes and be unable to do anything else but pull the red hair boy close and tell him that he didn’t deserve him, that Andrew Minyard would never deserve someone like Neil Josten, but he wanted him so much, that he was starting to thing that Neil was like an essential part of his body, that without him, Andrew would start to drown, unable to return to the surface, because Neil would always be his answer, his house, all the ways, all the maps, would always lead to Neil. 

— What the fuck was that Andrew? — Neil’s voice was like his eyes: stormy, intense.

— A breakup — The blonde answered, hating himself for that. 

— Stop playing the superior asshole Andrew. Look at me. What the fuck was that? 

Andrew didn't risk look at the redhead, he knew he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off him once he met his gaze.

— When people don’t love you anymore, they walk away, and that’s what I’m doing, walking away — Every word felt like acid in Andrew's mouth and he heard a low sound coming from Neil. His heart broke. 

— You don’t love me anymore? — Neil’s voice was lower now; all the intensity was gone. 

— I never said that I loved you. — That was the final strike, because Andrew loved Neil, Andrew loved Neil desperately, in fact, he loved Neil so much that sometimes he thought that the boy must be an illusion, a delirium, nothing that good should be real. 

— So look at me. Look at me and tell me that you don’t love me anymore, that you never loved me and that you want me to go way, and I will never step into your way again, I will leave you alone.

Andrew took a deep breath and told himself that Neil could see that as a stab, a betrayal, but later, when he found someone that deserved him, he would understand that Andrew wasn’t hurting him, but releasing him to find someone who was as good as he was. 

— I don’t love you anymore and-

Andrew didn’t finish the phrase because Neil interrupted him, his voice almost like a call, like a last pray, a last request before the apocalypse.  
— Look at me! Look at me when you said that Andrew! Don’t be a coward! 

Andrew looked up and everything he had worked for so far was in vain, because when his eyes met Neil's and saw the sadness that filled them, the only thing Andrew was capable of say was: 

— I don’t deserve you. 

His own voice looked broken for him, but that was how he felt inside. Seeing Neil standing there in the moonlight, his features slightly illuminated, his red hair falling above his brilliant eyes, those eyes that Andrew could bet that were capable of light up the darkness, he had sure that Neil could only be an hallucination. Nothing was supposed to be so good as Neil was. 

— What? — Neil asked, his voice filled with something that Andrew wasn’t able to identify. 

— I. Don’t. Deserve. You. — Andrew repeated, slowly.

— Are you kidding with me? That is it? A cruel joke? If it is, please end with this soon and let’s go back inside. 

— I´m not fucking kidding! You can find someone better, why stay stuck with me? Defy all the sense of intelligence that I deduced that you had. Maybe I was wrong. 

Neil looked at Andrew like from his lips have been told the biggest lies of all the world. Neil’s mouth was open in disbelief, and his eyes looked like was going to jump of his face. He got closer of Andrew and his expression softened. 

— Don’t say that. Never again.

— But is the truth. I’m not what you need. 

Neil looked at him without say anything and Andrew didn’t know of what he was more afraid of, if was of Neil leaving, even being what he had planned, or if was of Neil staying and saying things that would make he never wanting to go away. When Neil opened his mouth, Andrew didn’t know what to expect.

— Maybe you are not what I need. But you are what I dreamed of all the nights that I slept thinking that I would never be someone, that I would never have anything, that anyone would never understand me. You are what I never had before, but I was dreaming of having: a home. Maybe you are not what I need Andrew, but at some point, you became something that I can’t live without. It’s me that don´t deserve having you guarding me, putting me on front of yourself. You are what I asked for, every night: A reason for start living and not only survive. 

These words hit Andrew with force, his thoughts were scrambled, confused, but one thing stood out among them: The desire to be with Neil. He made Andrew felt like he worth it, like he was something worth living for. Nobody had ever said those words to him.  
Andrew concluded: Neil Josten was a gift from the gods. If there was a version of Pandora's box, where when you open it only good things come out of it, that would be the definition of the boy standing in front of Andrew. 

So the redhead boy grabbed Andrew for the t-shirt and pulled he close, their noses almost touching when he said: 

— You give me a key and called it home, now if you let me, I will give you my love and called it home. 

Andrew kissed him, as if the world started and ended there, on Neil’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twitter: @MlNYARDREAM


End file.
